June 25, 2011
Saying Goodbye to Dad,
Carrying his memories in My Heart,
Paying his Love and Actions Forward,
Honored to be his Daughter
He was so gracious, composed and brave, as he faced what he knew to be his passing. He did his best to be gentle and make it easy on us all and it could not have been more perfect. He passed a week later. In my grief, I was consoled by family and friends. I knew how much he was loved and that I was not the only one who will miss him. I spoke a couple of times with his baby sister, Auntie Esther. ( who can not be here with us today but is in spirit.) During our phone call, she conveyed some wonderful things about Dad that I never knew. She spoke of his generous nature with everyone. He gave of his time and his attention, as well as sharing knowledge with all he met. He did this as often as he could. He loved caring for people, he had a deep concern and patience with them. This quality made him a beloved brother, friend, uncle, husband, doctor, colleague, and father, and soldier.
Auntie Esther shared with me a personal story of his generosity to her from the time when they were kids. Growing up, they were extremely poor, she said that they had nothing. Dad sold newspapers to earn some money at age 13 or 14. Every single week he gave his baby sister 25 cents, it did not matter if he earned a dollar or 75 cents, he always gave her 25 cents. He never wavered in his gift and devotion to her. She told me he bought her a pair of ice skates. He had seen that she would struggle to wear her older brother's skates by stuffing them socks so they'd fit better. Seeing this, he made sure she got her own skates. He could and did give her things she wanted. We were witness to his continued generosity with her through their lives.
This last December, Dad and Marilyn went to visit Auntie Esther in Tucson, AZ. I know traveling was hard on him because his endurance was low, yet he made the trip. Dad, told me he had a great time with her and my cousins as well. He was happy to see her. He gave of himself, even if it was tough. That was just how he was.
He gave his time to people as a devoted doctor. He made regular house calls, had office hours, but in between he'd drop everything and take care of an emergency, he opened the doors to the office to those who dropped in, took phone calls that interrupted our dinner, or our life. He was the person everyone in our family and extended family turned to. We did not have any other doctor growing up. He delivered all his nieces and nephews in Buffalo area. We were so fortunate, and so well cared for.
Auntie Esther spoke of his welcoming personality. Dad was the first one to greet and bring you into the family circle or an event or a gatherings. He never balked at us having friends or family overnight. He included our cousins in family vacations or any activity we happened to be doing. What an example he was.
Dad would get a kick out kids and loved being surrounded by them, the grand kids, the great grand kids friend's kids, kids he had just met.When he finally retired, he was a eager volunteer with the Kiwanis, focusing on the kids programs or new-mother's programs. He took pride in that. They looked to him for ideas, for guidance, for support and wisdom. He helped in any capacity he could.
He often told us that his greatest love was, a love of knowledge. He put himself through eight years of college and medical school. He was blessed with a photographic memory which he put to use in the service of fellow man. He wanted us all to seek knowledge. He worked very hard to inspire us children, growing up. When he noticed at a young age that I was having a struggle with reading, he told me practice makes perfect. True to his creative spirit, he came up with a solution to get us to read more, he came home with Mad Magazine. He'd read it with us, to us, and without us around. He'd point out all the hidden cartoons and loved spy vs spy and he would belly laugh longer and stronger than any of us. We were delighted and enchanted by his laughter. More recently, his grand kids and great grand kids share that enchantment.
On the subject of laughter, what a unbelievable sense of humor Dad had. Every chance he got, he would tell a series of great jokes, (Ok, well, some not so great). He was not shy or self-conscious, never had a hesitation or bobble; just great delivery every time. He'd look for any opportunity to joke, including recently when he was in the hospital making his nurses and me laugh. He was a charmer; endearing people to him as much as possible. While gathered at Dad's bedside one morning, Jill, Jackie and I were pleased to reveal to each that we thought that having a sense of humor was the thing we each thought was our own greatest treasure from him.
A couple of days before Dad passed away, there was a knock at the front door and a young neighbor from across the street inquired if everything was ok, as he'd seen many cars coming and going that weekend. We explained about Dad and he asked if he could see him and say goodbye. He bent down and spoke to Dad who was in a deep sleep. He thanked Dad for inspiring him to go to pharmacy school and told him that he had changed his life, and he'd be forever grateful. He told us that he'd given him the inspiration and courage he had needed, at that time in his life. We were all touched and I was thinking "yes, that would be my Dad." Education was so very important to him.
Today and forever, I thank you Dad for the many gifts you imparted on me and my family and friends. Because of your precious attention, your wisdom, and grace, and role model, I am a better person. What more could anyone ask from a parent. I love you Dad and I feel so blessed and honored to be your daughter. I will deeply miss you everyday.
"To Laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others: To leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
